Stuff the Turkey, Not Your Feelings: Boundaries for Navigating Codependency and Eating Disorders This Thanksgiving
When most people think of Thanksgiving, it is painted as a holiday of gratitude, connection, and cozy family meals. The table is set, the dishes are overflowing, and the message seems simple: eat, be merry, and give thanks, not setting boundaries.
How Codependency Impacts Holiday Interactions
But if you live with codependency, an eating disorder, or the ripple effects of complex trauma, Thanksgiving can feel far from peaceful. Instead of joy, you may feel guilt, pressure, resentment, or the pull to people-please. Instead of savoring the moment, you might be scanning the room for triggers—commentary about food, subtle digs about appearance, or the sense that no matter how much you do, it will never feel like enough.
That’s where boundaries come in. Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re guide rails that protect your emotional health, give your relationships clarity, and keep your recovery intact in environments that can otherwise feel overwhelming.
Emotional Boundaries: Owning Your Feelings, Not Everyone Else’s
Holidays bring out big emotions. Someone sighs loudly about not getting enough help, another slams cabinets, and suddenly the whole house feels heavy. For people with codependency, the reflex is often to absorb these emotions and try to fix them. But here’s the truth: you’re not responsible for regulating anyone else’s anger, guilt, shame, or negativity.
Example: A relative spends hours cooking, then snaps about how no one appreciates them. You might feel pressure to overperform or sit in guilt. But their choice to overextend is not yours to solve.
Try this boundary script:
“I can see that you’re frustrated no one is helping, and that’s hard considering how much time you put into cooking these meals, which we deeply appreciate. What we’d appreciate even more, though, is you letting us know ahead of time if you’re not comfortable taking on so much. We’d much prefer you were relaxed and able to enjoy family time.”
This format works:
Acknowledge what you see happening.
Empathize/appreciate their effort.
State what you’d like to see instead.
Boundaries like these prevent you from carrying feelings that don’t belong to you—and protect your recovery from getting hijacked by resentment.
Physical Boundaries: My Body, My Space
Thanksgiving often means close quarters, cheek-kisses, or the expectation of hugs from relatives. For people pleasers, saying no can feel awkward, but honoring your physical boundaries is key to feeling safe and comfortable during the holidays. Setting the tone early makes it easier to enjoy family time without sacrificing your sense of agency.
Lighthearted, people-pleaser friendly scripts:
“Air hug!”
“I’m not feeling very touchy lately.”
“Haven’t been feeling well—let’s do an elbow bump.”
“So good to see you! I’ve been leaning into my personal bubble these days.”
For kids, it’s especially important to support their right to say no. Ask first: “Do you want to hug?” If they say no, back them up with:
“She said no thank you—maybe a wave instead.”
“He’s not feeling like hugging today, but he’s glad to see you.”
Modeling this respect teaches them now that their bodies belong to them.
Sexual Boundaries: No Tolerance for Inappropriate Comments
Even in family spaces, sexual boundaries sometimes get crossed. Maybe it’s a joke that feels off, a comment about how you look in your outfit, or unwanted touch. These behaviors are never harmless; they undermine your safety and dignity. You’re allowed to draw a hard line and keep your boundaries clear—without explanation or apology.
Here Are Some Boundary Setting Examples:
“That comment isn’t appropriate.”
Step away or change the subject.
Share with a trusted support person so you’re not holding it alone.
You never need to tolerate comments or contact that make you uncomfortable.
Intellectual Boundaries: Protecting Your Mental Space
The Thanksgiving table is notorious for heated arguments—politics, religion, body size, food choices. Without boundaries, it’s easy to get sucked into debates that leave you drained and disconnected. Intellectual boundaries give you permission not to engage and to redirect the conversation toward something more constructive.
Intellectual Boundaries Scripts to try:
“I’m pretty sure this topic is going to get everyone riled up, and I’d like to enjoy the meal.”
“These conversations tend to get heated, and I actually wanted to hear how [insert name] is doing.”
Redirecting keeps the focus on connection rather than conflict.
Time Boundaries: Protecting Your Energy
Holidays can pull you in multiple directions—staying late, driving long distances, trying to attend every gathering. Without time boundaries, burnout is inevitable. Deciding ahead of time what you can realistically do helps you show up fully instead of spreading yourself too thin.
Tips for Setting Time Boundaries:
Decide your arrival and departure times in advance.
Drive yourself when possible so you can leave when you need.
Choose one event instead of three.
Plan recovery time afterward—even a quiet hour makes a difference.
You don’t have to sacrifice your peace to prove your love.
Material Boundaries: What You Can Give
From cooking to hosting, it’s easy to feel pressured into giving more than you can. Material boundaries help you contribute in ways that are sustainable for you. Naming your limits early creates space for others to step up too and reduces resentment on both sides.
Ways to Set Material Boundaries:
State up front what you’re comfortable with: “I can bring one dish, not three.”
If pressured, name the impact: “I sometimes feel pulled to overload myself and end up overwhelmed.”
If they’re also overwhelmed, reflect it back: “It seems like you’re feeling that way too—maybe we can spread the work around more.”
This opens the door to healthier, more sustainable contributions for everyone.
When Guilt Creeps In
Even with clear boundaries, guilt often sneaks in. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong; it means you’re doing something different. Reframing guilt as a sign of growth rather than selfishness helps you stay firm and compassionate toward yourself.
Reframes to try:
Imagine an invisible forcefield around you—other people’s guilt can’t leak in.
“It’s normal for people to feel disappointed by boundaries, especially if they’re used to a different version of me. As I grow, they’ll need time to adjust. That doesn’t mean I have to shrink back.”
Boundaries may cause temporary discomfort, but they protect you from long-term harm.
Scripts You Can Steal to Set Boundaries This Thanksgiving
Sometimes you need quick, polite words to hold your ground without getting flustered. Having ready-to-go lines makes it easier to enforce boundaries calmly instead of reacting in frustration.
On food/body talk: “There’s so much more to this holiday than calories or how we look.”
On politics: “Let’s play the tape forward—we already know where this is going, and I’d prefer if it didn’t.”
On overcommitment: “I’d love to contribute, but I can only bring one side this year.”
On staying late: “We’ll be heading out at 7—we want to leave on a good note.”
These scripts let you stay present, protect your energy, and still enjoy the holiday.
Closing Thoughts From an Eating Disorder Therapist
Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re acts of self-respect, honesty, and protection. They prevent you from overextending, resenting, and collapsing later. They remind others where you end and they begin.
This Thanksgiving, give yourself permission to say “no” when needed, to step away when overwhelmed, and to prioritize your recovery over people-pleasing. Let the turkey be stuffed with herbs and spices—not your unspoken feelings.
Because gratitude and connection don’t come from abandoning yourself. They come from showing up authentically, with boundaries in place, and protecting the peace you deserve
Eating Disorder Recovery & Boundaries Support in Tampa, FL
This Thanksgiving, you don’t have to keep sacrificing your peace to keep everyone else comfortable. Boundaries are not selfish—they’re self-respect. They’re the guide rails that keep your recovery steady when codependency, family expectations, or triggering food talk threaten to knock you off course.
If you’re tired of white-knuckling the holidays, there’s help. Our Tampa, FL eating disorder therapy team at Bloom Psychological specializes in helping people navigate seasonal triggers, heal from codependency, and build healthy boundaries that actually stick. We blend professional expertise with lived experience to help you show up authentically—even at the most challenging family gatherings.
Let Us Help You Find Your Glow
Begin Your Journey to Lasting Recovery
Other Services at Bloom Psychological
In addition to eating disorder therapy, at Bloom Psychological, Dr. Kaite offers trauma and complex PTSD therapy to help individuals process painful experiences and move toward healing with confidence and care. We also provide specialized support for UCF students navigating academic stress, identity struggles, and mental health challenges. No matter where you are in your journey, we’re here to support you with compassion and expertise.
About the Author
I may call Florida home now, but my Jersey roots still shape how I show up—direct, grounded, and fiercely authentic. Around the holidays, especially, I know how easy it is to feel pressured to smile, hug, and say “yes” when you really need to say “no.” Authenticity is my core value, both in the therapy room and in life, so I bring my whole self to conversations about boundaries and eating disorder recovery. My goal is to help you feel safe doing the same—even at a family table full of food, opinions, and expectations.
Outside of my work, I’m a proud mom to a sweet, spirited son, a loyal dog, and a curious cat (though my houseplants are still a lost cause!). I’m a therapist, yes—but I’m also a human who has walked through the fire of trauma and eating disorders myself. I understand how codependency, body comments, and holiday triggers can complicate recovery—not just from a textbook, but from lived experience.
If you’re looking for a therapist who blends professional expertise with real-world empathy, especially around seasonal and holiday stressors, you’ve found the right place. I see you, and I’m here to walk with you as you navigate boundaries, protect your recovery, and reclaim the holidays as your own.
